Week 17 -Epiphanies

I found myself shaking my head and saying, “Yes!” while on the call this last Sunday. A couple of points really stood out to me. One, what are you waiting for? I sit here as an observer to myself and my actions and ask myself that very thing when I fumble an opportunity or don’t act in accordance to my DMP. “What are you waiting for?” What am I so afraid of? Though the conscious me wants to change, I am still refusing the call at times. Why? What if I am afraid to succeed?

Sitting with that in my head a moment, it doesn’t feel right. I have succeeded before and I know I like it. I know that I desire to succeed again, in different areas. I’m not afraid of success. Maybe I’m afraid of falling out of success? If I don’t achieve it, then I can’t fall out of it. That makes sense in a subby kind of way, but I still don’t think that’s it. At this point I realize I’m listening to myself, not Mark on the call, so I tune back in and listen to him to talk about permission.

Wow. It hit me. All this time and I hadn’t given myself permission to do anything good for myself. I flashed back through my accomplishments and realize that I never really gave them as much value as they deserved. Why?

It was because I did them and then I realize that everything I have ever done, I have internally criticized it as not being good enough. Where does that voice come from and why even after all of these years of mindfulness does it still happen? I never gave myself permission! I have never given myself permission to love myself, to see and utilize my full power and potential and most importantly, permission to be happy and content with myself. With out permission and acceptance that I am god’s greatest gift, all my efforts have been lacking just enough to see the vision of a better me… that’s just out of reach.

I did what he said and gave myself permission out loud like he said and it felt great. Now that I am aligned with the proper perspective, I have a whole new sense of enthusiasm about my journey and feel like I can aim toward the stars. I give myself permission to succeed, to be great, to be myself to unleash the power within and follow my DMP. I will keep giving it my all and know that I am building the habits needed to direct my subconscious to manifest my dreams and desires into reality.