I was really excited to find out about a Photography workshop in Italy with 2 master photographers. This trip sounds amazing and I would be going with a group of fellow artists and photographers, one whom I know and am from the same state. This would be an opportunity of a life time and a dream come true. I have always wanted to go to Italy and my spirit has been longing to go somewhere. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I then found out it was right before and may even overlap our MKMMA Kauai Mastermind and my heart was torn.
I tried to push Italy more; I even made a post about it to Facebook to sell some Calendars of my work to help raise the money. I really wanted to experience Italy because it’s something I have told myself I would do some day… but something else was telling me that the time is not now. Something deep with in my heart. The more I think about it, I’m not sure what role Photography will play in my future and that I wouldn’t know until I finally figured out my dharma. I could sense that my husband was not super enthused about the idea about me going, and if I did, it would push us farther apart. Before I get defensive about his assumed feelings, I want to probe this deeper. If I went on this trip, I would be leaving just after my son’s 5th birthday and be missing my husband’s birthday. We had been through a lot to be together and we’ve never even been on a honeymoon. It doesn’t seem fair for me to go abroad for the first time with out him, yet it is also not the most romantic scenario for a honeymoon as I would be attending lighting classes all day with a group of people that he has nothing in common with and doesn’t know.
It wasn’t just that, when I thought about the trip, I felt anxious about all the details of traveling alone and meeting up with a group in a foreign county. The thought made me want to turn to my husband to take care of the details and hold my hand along the way. I wanted him there and didn’t want him there at the same time so I could focus on learning. Then there was the matter of equipment. They would be using all sorts of lighting, mostly speed lights and strobes, which I do not have and can not afford to purchase at the moment. If I can’t practice what I learn, how am I going to retain it? I also thought about my DMP and where I was at with it. The last time I wrote it, I didn’t even mention photography. Why? I also haven’t wanted to use my camera much the last couple of months as nothing has really inspired me.
Hawaii is also a very important place for me. It’s where I went on my first honey moon and realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I finally saw myself and how unhappy I was. I was on the wrong path and Hawaii was my awakening. I have vowed to come back someday after I concurred the mountain of my body and mind. Well, I have shed 200lbs and a bad relationship and kept it off for 11 years now and am now remarried with 4 kids. Now here I am with MKMMA mastering my mind. Full circle.
I filled out the week 13 survey and saw the video for the Kauai retread and was instantly emotional upon seeing the green mountains and waterfalls again. I went to my husband and told him how I felt about Italy and that I wanted to go to Kauai and that I wanted him to come and we would have our Honeymoon. My ideas were met with compassion and we researched costs and the island. Everything feels right and I think he is on board.
So, listen to your heart and analyze your emotions for clues and you will find the way. Everyone has intuition, but you have to learn to listen to it. I will see you soon.