I’m starting to notice all the missed opportunities that sneak by due to my lack of follow up or fear of success. Last year, I had the opportunity to speak at a Bariatric Convention in Georgia. I didn’t do it because there wasn’t enough time to prepare and it didn’t pay more than the cost of my hotel. In hind sight, it would have been great to visit a warm state in the middle of winter and it would have helped me gain experience and an audience to follow me. This year someone called me to give me their completely functioning almost new refrigerator, which was awesome as ours recently has been having issues, but I didn’t call him back in time. I forgot about the message he left before we went on vacation. By the time I got a hold of him, he had given it to someone else. I’ve missed photography and speaking opportunities because I didn’t call back right away. It makes me wonder why I am doing this to myself? Why am I holding back? Why am I afraid to be successful? Maybe it’s because I haven’t attained success with out my world crashing down around me soon after? Maybe because it’s really balance, not success I seek? Am I just reluctant to change, or is it not what’s in my heart’s desire to do? Were these opportunities just not meant to be? Sometimes it works out best I didn’t do it in the long run. It’s hard to read the signs and know the right path.
There have been new opportunities to come along that I have grabbed a hold of, like this coarse. I’ve also been invited to go to Florence, Italy to study Photography and Lighting from 2 of my favorite Master Photographers and would be traveling with another photographer friend from Michigan. Florence is one of the places I’ve wanted to go since Art school. The only problem; it costs $4,000 to do it. My heart wants to grab all my credit cards to pool the $1500 down I need right away and figure out the rest as I go, but how selfish is that when I have three kids at home who need things? How can I justify spending that on myself when my step-son needs braces? When my husband works hard to support the financial responsibilities. How do I break the old blue print? I’ve already asked myself what can I sell/book to make this happen, but there still that voice of doubt whispering in my ear.
I was looking forward to the call on Sunday and am happy to see that I am completely committed to blocking off that time. I was also happy to hear that they are thinking of having a live workshop there in Kauai. Yes, please! Hawaii is the beginning of my awakening twelve years ago and is someplace I know I must return to in a full circle of change. They also mentioned that it would be in May of next year, which is the same month as the Italy trip. Well then. Trying to get my mind to reach to the notion that I might make this Italy thing possible and now find out about the other workshop in Kauai the same month, my mind is blown. How can I make them both possible in such a short amount of time and with out my husband divorcing me? I say this jokingly because he works hard too and after seven years of marriage, we have yet to have a honeymoon. I’ll tell you one thing, I deserve them both for all of my hard work and efforts these last twelve years. Perhaps Kauai and my Hawaii experience are not the full circle I am trying to make it to be. I have never been to Kauai and want the chance to return to the Big Island and Oahu to re-experience them with both my new body, new knowledge of photography and with the right husband (more details on that life changing trip will have to be in another post). My mind is left racing with the possibilities while the clock is ticking down. Maybe it will all come together. Maybe I should just see how much I can come up with and see where it gets me? At least I can say I tried right?
Last week we were to start putting together a dream board with the associated shapes and colors from our index cards. I have started a dream wall and will be putting up all things Italian and Hawaiian, but am seriously lacking in the index card area. I messed up when I did the first card. I gave myself too hard of a task and didn’t follow through with it. I was pretty disgusted with myself and I haven’t touched an index card since. I feel like I have just confessed a cardinal sin. I have made steps toward doing it again, like re watching that webinar, but then find excuses or procrastinate. I still wonder if I am too far gone, but I always keep my promises and will find a way to catch up. DO IT NOW! DO IT NOW! DO IT NOW! Right after I give the kids a bath and put them to bed.